Mother's Love

Today I officially have learned what "mother's love" feels like.

But first, I'd like to write that AK has been absolutely angelic the last two days. It is as if a large part of my stress has finally melted away. She has not screamed that "un-nerving scream" in the last 48 hours. She is due for her 4-month birthday tomorrow; hopefully this "new silence" is a sign of some peace to come in the future.

Today was also a first. Well, two for her and one for me.

She laughed! Yes, she actually laughed. I'd recently read that sometimes if a mother comes out with a towel on her head, the baby can be instantly amused and crack up. Well, I'm afraid a towel on my head is much too boring (or run-of-the-mill) for her. I had to change clothes for the Ash Wednesday evening service and somewhere in between outfits I may have danced around a bit and next thing I know I've got my sweater halfway over my head and I say, "Now, AK purple is for Lent, not lint" and she utters this loud chuckle. I said, "What? Did you just laugh?" and she did it again. The kid has a sense of humor! It is hilarious!

Her other first was an hour in the church nursery. Yes, I know I swore up and down she would not go into anyone else's hands until she was 6 months old (technically, she didn't; she stayed in her carseat the whole time), but tonight is one of those nights where J teaches late and since an extra soprano was not needed, she went in the nursery. This is where the mother's love thing comes in. Oh my gosh, I was nervous the entire day....like sick to my stomach nervous....if ever I was a mental case before that angel, I *really* am now. ha ha. I had tears in my eyes when I left her and it was the longest one hour service of my career. I could hardly concentrate. When it was over, I RAN down the hallway to get her. She was asleep and had been so for about 45 minutes of that time. The noise of the other kids probably lulled her into her zone, plus it was her bedtime.

Now, I know what it feels like when a kid drives, when a kid goes to college, when a kid goes off on their own, when a kid gets married. I get it now, Mom, and you know what? It's ok because you raised me to be ME and we will raise her to be AK and she will be OK!

Fortunately, though, I have several years to get used to the idea of her "spreading her wings," or following in her father's footsteps: "flying her own plane!"